Troll 2

You can see the grade… What better way to begin the F grade movies than with the “worst movie ever”? Let’s power through this.


Think of everything about a movie that makes it good; now imagine them at their absolute worst. That’s Troll 2. The acting is awful. There are literally zero performances meriting a “meh”. The editing, storyline and writing – wow, is the writing bad – are noticeably bad.

Sorry, I got off base. What’s it about? First, it’s not about trolls. There are no trolls in Troll 2, only goblins in the creepy town of Nilbog – the effort is astounding on this one. Anyway, Joshua Waits (Michael Stephenson) and his family are taking a trip (basically house-swapping) with farm-folk from Nilbog in an effort to get in touch with their ancestors. Shockingly, Nilbog is run/inhabited by goblins and their queen. Joshua relies on the ghost of his grandfather to help him save his family and make it out alive. There are other side stories, but they are so farfetched you have to see them for yourselves, particularly the belief that having friends leads to virginity or group sex, nothing in between, and there’s a disturbing scene with corn that goes from gross to “wait, what?” and back.

The “horror” scenes are markedly out of place. The typical suspense-building music is replaced by an 80’s tune more likely to be heard in a Sonic the Hedgehog game than a film about goblins. Green coloring, from the food to their blood, marks everything goblin related. The amount of green dye used in production must have been a massive part of the budget; it’s everywhere. This plays into another theme of the film, probably the most confusing: vegetarianism. The goblins and their queen are vegetarians and view meat as the root of all evil (or good depending on your perspective). As pointed out in Best Worst Movie, Rosella Drudi knew some vegetarians and hated them for it. I guess that was enough to make them the villains of a movie.

Troll 2 is as bad as advertised. It is laughably awful, and undeniably poorly done. In the event you want to see Troll 2, be warned that watching it alone leads to boredom, and you will finish it with the sole purpose of finding out the ending – trust me, reading about it online would not do it justice, or make sense. My only recommendation would be to watch it with a group of friends to make it more enjoyable. Being able to say, “Yeah, I saw Troll 2” is all you will get from this film.

*The trailer makes less sense than the damn movie!!! I didn’t think it was possible.

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